This is my personal web space and if you happened along by chance, there is nothing here for you. If you are really that bored and need entertainment, try a random search for your favorite hobby. I’m just saying, don’t waste your time, this space is a playground for my brain, it’s totally not meaningful for anyone. Unless of course, you want to learn something you’re probably already aware of. For example, learn “how not to” write a proper sentence.
I’m a thinker and dreamer…
I have always had notions of Grandeur. Meaning, “living the dream” is actually true in my case and not just a friendly response to “how ya doing?”. In every other respect I’m probably just like you and everyone else, not anything lessor or greater than average, it just depends on the day and how things are going at any given moment.
And because I think, therefor I am.
After being told for the millionth time that I think too much I have only one thing to say, maybe the individuals telling me that, don’t think enough. Having my brain is no picnic, I want you to know that. It goes all the time. It is relentless in the pursuit of answers. Clear and objective answers and yes, it takes thought. Therefor, thinking is extremely important to me.
Why think me?
So I like to think. It’s simple, I want to understand. I hate the thought of doing things out of sheer habit or just because I’m told to do something. I like to know why. I suppose a big part of thinking is so I can answer when someone asks. I like to be prepared. Maybe Thinking is important to me because what I think is important to someone else? It makes a difference no matter what anyone says, thinking counts, ambivalence is not cool.
Since I’m taking the risk to write it down, I’m exposing myself to those who might disagree. There is a type of person who tells another when to think or how to think and most importantly what they think does not matter, that’s a problem. It’s the same type that told me I think too much and warned me explicitly to “never, ever write anything down”. I use the word “type” because it’s just not one person, it’s a group of like minded people who believe they are 100% correct in “their lack of” thinking. You have friends and family who fit the type.
For a life time I questioned my own worth because of these two very simple ideas expressed to me as judgments of my “perceived” condition. Do I think to much (over analyze) and if I choose to write something down (versus just thinking it), will it come back to haunt me? This is the point- those who do not scrutinize or “take time to think” or write down those thoughts that are most important to them, remain safe and out of harms way. You cannot judge another if you do not know what they stand for or what they think.
When it’s all said and done, I would rather have had my voice heard than to lurk in the shadows only to gossip with others about how terrible someone else is for what they think, by voice or what they have written.
That’s why being clear and objective is important. When I write, I want to own the truth as I see and believe it. I know for a fact truth can change but so can I. Those types lurking in the shadows, well… they never change, right or wrong.
Once I started writng, I realized how helpful it was to clear up my thinking. After all, eeking out the truth for clarity and objectivity is a great way to flush out facts. It was also a new and unintended way for me to express myself. Not so much important other than it was a means to an end. It was new and different from what I was use to. What I was use to was not expressing myself. Which in itself is a shame, just think of the people who go unheard?
Although I “think” I know the crux about what I write, I am blind in so many ways. I write about those things that seem important but in the end, you are the judge. It’s in your understanding of what I write and how it effects you that may or may not be significant. On my own any action I take or words I write or emotions I express, remain unseen and unheard.
If you happen to be reading this blog, for whatever reason and something makes you think, laugh or gives you some type of understanding you didn’t have otherwise, that’s a good thing… hopefully. My writings are full of contradiction, mistakes in grammar, typos and cowboy wisdom because I am not a well-seasoned pen, tend to think in abstract unrelated but connected chunks and usually due to that, leave out important parts of the story. The grammar, style and punctuation, well… I try to get it right. So what the hey, I’m just doing my part to make the world a better place.
Back in 1989 or around that time, I had to take off my Artistic hat and put on my responsibility hat. For decades I have been working at taking care of business and responsibilities. Neither of which had anything to with my creative work. In those years, I dreamed and I dreamed but never could see that someday I could return to the work that I love and believe in. I am now at that point and my interests these days seem to be an accumulation of all my life experiences. In essence, for me, it’s just a matter of playing with objects and ideas and deciding what I like and then building it. Solving visual problems, manipulating ideas and overcoming what most would think to be impossible to do, that’s what I do. That’s my thinking anyway…